What a difference a year makes. So I wrote in my blog almost a year ago to herald the full opening of Maison Desire. I can still remember the joy and the warm glow I felt as I turned my dream into a reality, welcoming clients old and new, into my luxurious new playspace. It was the culmination of 12 years hard work as a professional and lifestyle Mistress. What pleasure it gave me to see the admiring and appreciative looks of my clients faces and to hear their kind words as they entered the playroom I had worked so painsteakingly hard creating. So many fabulous sessions to be had, creating valued new memories.
Yet, even as I wrote back then, at the start of 2019, the seeds of disaster had already been sown – and in a hospital of all places. On 7th Jan 2019, I had what should have been a pretty straightforward operation. What resulted was damage to both branches of my genitofemoral and ilioinguinal nerves, creating intense pain in my pelvic area. I sought medical help many times, but was repeatedly dismissed out of hand. Over 20 doctors, both NHS and private, 14 scans. I felt a mixture of emotions, shock, disbelief, frustration and anger. I had been put to sleep and told nothing was wrong, 9 months later I could not sit or walk and was in a wheelchair. Once I recovered from the operation initially, I carried on working, after a very long and difficult recovery. As the months went by, the debilitating effects of the nerve damage became worse and worse and it became more apparent as to how severe it was. I struggled on day to day trying to keep the playroom open, above all not wanting to let my clients down. My own fears and concerns grew, as did those of close family and friends, as I could see the brick wall I was running into. Precious time and many thousands of pounds were expended on trying to find a solution and that continues to the present day. I am still a very long way from fixed and sadly may never recover 100%, but with a definite answer and diagnosis to my pain, a treatment plan is now formed.
On the evening of September 11th, I ran what was my last session to date in the playroom. An hour later I was rushed to hospital and spent an entire month in there. Two weeks after leaving hospital, I flew overseas twice within a month for treatment, which I still continue to have. It was a very difficult decision to stop running sessions, but with the physically debilitated state I was left in, I had very little choice. The pain before, during and after sessions had become unbearable on the run up to my hospital stay. I struggled immensely to run a one hour session. I wrestled with my desperation to live my life and make my clients dreams come true in my beautiful playspace, on one hand, and the high professional standards I felt I was physically incapable of living up to. My maid, Hannah, and my boys J and D, saw it all at close quarters, the pain and desperation not to let clients down beforehand, the agony and frustration after sessions. They spoke from the heart telling me that they were humbled by my bravery and filled with admiration for my dedication and determination in the face of adversity. I should feel no shame at being laid low by a situation for which others were sadly entirely responsible.
The support, moral and financial, of many, some complete strangers, has been greatly appreciated and a source of strength to me during what has been a dreadful ordeal. I can honestly say 2019 was a terrible year I do not wish to face again. I placed my trust in medical staff, and so much that I value in life has been taken away from me. I am a true lifestyle dominatrix and not being able to session or be ‘Mistress’, has created an aching void in my life. I lost my independence, and a lot, lot more. A year ago I was thrilled at the prospect of my professional life and my personal life coming into balance as never before and both rising to a new level. It feels like everything has been ripped away from me, with no concern or compassion from those who did so. I am doing everything in my power, seeking the help of the best private doctors to make a full recovery or as near to it as possible. However this comes at a great cost. I will relapse continuously until the treatment works to the best of its ability. I will need constant treatment for the foreseeable future in order to operate and function to some degree. I would like to thank everyone who donated to the GoFundMe page, which still remains open, and all future donations are gratefully received as there is still a lot on going future treatment to pay for.
https://www.gofundme.com/f/my-only-desire-is-to-be-out-of-pain
After careful consideration and recovering from treatment, I am set to return to sessions this month in January 2020, part time. Given the constraints, I will be offering one session slot per day, which is to be pre booked with notice given. I will be set to have another treatment within the next 4-6 weeks which will put me out of action for a week or two afterwards. This as I mentioned, will be on going until I reach the final degree of recovery whatever that may be. I am truly desperate to return to Maison Desire and do the things I love, the things which are central to what defines me as a person. I have missed my clients so much. I have missed everything we share in the wonderful space I have created. I face a long, hard road ahead and must ask for your understanding, support and forbearance, for all of which I am thankful from the very bottom of my heart. I must focus a great deal on my health this year and work incredibly hard to making my part time return into a full time return at some point, I hope. Due to this I will perhaps be less active on social media since this will be my priority. I shall be taking bookings from W/C 13th January. My phone will be on during usual hours, 9am – 8pm. Session hours will be available 9am – 10pm, as normal.
I must finish be acknowledging the selfless support of those without whom I could not have endured this awful year just gone. I owe you everything….
