Tantra is a meditative practice using the sex between two people as a transcendence, a way of blurring the self/other boundary. It’s an infectious idea that slithered it’s way, cross colonial style, along with the Tao-ist sexual practices it blends into. When I talk about integrating tantric massage into my bedroom life, it is first important to acknowledge that it is a spice, like cumin and chili and cinnamon, imported and used in ways that the people who discovered it probably never intended. But sex between humans is a beautiful perversion of a simple bodily function, more than just the raw exchange of genetic information. Leave the instinctual simplicity to fish and cows, even if you are about as spiritual as a rock, [...]

This reader has another common femdom problem- dealing with getting the head space right when your frame of reference is decidedly focused on partner pleasing. Add that age old bugbear of personal anxiety about your attractiveess, and you have a thorny problem worth examining. Hi Miss Pearl, I just wanted to say I love your site. You have really given me perspective and help to evaluate how I want my relationship to be, not how others think it should be. I do need some advice though! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years.  He has been in one previous D/s relationship that ended badly, and has not been in one since. I have recently discovered, especially since being with him, [...]

I lead a charmed life, for all that I’ve had my share of cowpats and nettles. The last week (Thursday) another person came up to me at my monthly munch and said they were a fan of my writing. This is the third time it’s happened, the first time this year. They’re always so shy about it, and I’m always so touched. Because the thing I take for granted is something people sincerely love. Because ME. Me. Me! ME! Also me. I’m kinda, sorta famous in that vague sort of way that means people on the internet into my niche might think to mention me. It’s a fundamental thing like liking salt and fat or craving a warm spot when it’s cold (or [...]

A reader wrote in with this question, a very common one, usually asked by new femdoms wondering if they will ever get to have sex again, and new subs wondering what to expect when they meet the dom of their dreams. Does femdom mean nothing by cock cages and cunnilingus in queening chairs? Do femdoms have sex without $8000 worth of leather and bondage furniture? Of course long term readers know we do, but it’s still worth putting more information on the subject out there. Dear Miss Pearl: How often do femdoms have sex with their subs? When I ask this, I am of course not considering the pro dommes. And my question is that, apart from “play”, how often do dommes engage [...]

Photo courtesy of A to sub-Bee Welcome to Elust #84  The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #85? Start with the rules, come back August 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates! ~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~ LightweightAbout Those “Apple Thighs”Why the Hell Haven’t I Rebelled Yet? ~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~ IDENTITY – hiding the evidencefriday flash–service ~Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~ Good In Bed Erotic Fiction RidePubic DisturbanceColds and LustSex MachineChemistryA Dirty Bathroom FloorTetherI’m Sorry I’m So SilentS’il Vous [...]