There has been good discussion going on in the comments section of the cuckolding posts. It is great to see the topic debated and so many different view points. Thanks to those of you who are participating and I hope the discussion continues and we see similar participation on other topics. It is the discussions that validate the “realness” of the topic and that this is not just crazy fantasy. Often times there are meaningful learning points that come from the comments. The discussions also tend to lead to other interesting topics. My post below was inspired by such as comment. In the discussion of cuckolding, f-sub had raised the following question:

“In a WLM is the wife’s power and authority limited in any way at all? Because if the answer is “no” then that is pretty much the definition of an abusive relationship“

In the content of the cuckolding discussion, the question refers to whether or not the wife can decide to date other guys regardless of what her husband wants. Below I will discuss this question in a  terms of the Wife Led Marriage (WLM) as a whole and also address it specific to cuckolding. Thank you f-sub for raising this question. It is a complex dynamic and a dynamic worth diving into to better understand.

I’ll start by acknowledging that WLMs can be abusive. With any relationship there is potential for abuse. However, an abusive relationship is caused by the behavior of an individual and not by the type of relationship. A wife can have unlimited power and authority over her husband and not be abusive. In a WLM, should the wife have unlimited power and authority over her husband? Ideally Yes.

A key principle of a WLM is that the husband willingly yields to his wife and gives her full authority over him.Three needs to be a desire by the husband to submit to his wife, obey her, and accept her authority over him. However, this principle alone does not define the WLM. For the WLM to be successful there also needs to a commitment from the wife to lead the marriage in a way that is in the best interest of the relationship. The relationship needs to be rooted in love, respect and trust. If all these things exist, then the relationship will be most fulfilling when the wife has absolute authority and power over the husband.

A wife who loves and respects her husband would not force him into a situation that will make him deeply unhappy. A healthy marriage is about doing things together as a couple, enjoying life together, and making each other happy. In a healthy and mature WLM, the husband yields completely to his wife and trusts that she will take care of him and the wife leads by taking into consideration his needs and desires and doing things that will make him happy.

Having authority over a person does not mean that you make all the decisions for that person or that you are being completely self serving in everything that you do. In a WLM having authority means the wife gets to have the final say in all decisions if she desires. In my marriage there are many decisions that I make without consulting Thomas, there are decisions that I consult with him on and there are decisions that I allow him to make on his own. In all cases I always have the right to final say in a decision and Thomas accepts my decision even if it is not what he wants.

The man’s needs and desires are important. If the wife does not take care of these, then the husband will become unhappy and will lose his motivation to submit to her or be motivated for the wrong reasons. I have seen where some men proclaim this mantra, that all that matters is what the wife wants. I believe many of them are sincere with this statement, but the only way they can be sincere is if they are already in an environment where their core needs and desires are being met. If the wife suddenly changed course and forced the husband over and over again to do something he completed hated or that disgusted him, would he still believe in this mantra? Probably not.

While I am stating that the husband’s needs and desire are important, I also want to make it clear that in the WLM the wife’s needs and desires take priority over the husband’s. No doubt there will be many times where the husband is not happy with a decision made by the wife and times where the husband wants to do something that the wife does not permit. He should obey her and accept her decision. That is the commitment he made when agreeing to submit to her.

I want to make a distinction between what I just said and my statement earlier in the post in which I said the wife would not force her husband into a situation that will make him deeply unhappy.  There is a big difference between being unhappy and being deeply unhappy.  In any relationship there are going to be disagreements and times where one person is unhappy with the outcome. The unhappiness is not pleasant but usually short-lived and the unhappy person eventually moves on and puts it behind them.This is a normal part of a WLM, but the difference between a traditional marriage and a WLM is that in the WLM, the wife gets the final say and therefore should never end up being the unhappy person. I’d also guess that in the WLM, the unhappiness is very short-lived because the husband is accepts his wife’s decision and does not spend a lot of time sulking over it.

When something makes a person deeply unhappy and not just unhappy, it is an issue for the relationship. Deeply unhappy, in the context of my post, is when something has a long-lasting impact on a person and it strongly affects their mood, attitude, or outlook on life. Decisions that negatively affect a person’s morals and core beliefs are examples that can have this effect. Cuckolding fits into this category. If either the husband or wife are not comfortable with cuckolding, then it should not be done.

When a wife decides to take a position of control and authority over he husband, it comes with the responsibility of taking care of him and ensuring he remains healthy, safe, and happy.  Honestly, I can not imagine why a wife would want anything different. I want my husband to be happy.  I married him because I love him and his happiness is important to me.

A WLM is not something to enter into lightly.  Before you marry someone, it is important that you spend a tremendous amount of time getting to know them and ensuring your likes, beliefs. and morals are compatible. A marriage should not occur unless there is love, trust, and caring between the couple. The same applies to a WLM. 

In the WLM, the wife should have complete authority and control over the husband. It may take time for this to happen. In many cases, like mine, the wife is not ready for this.  It took me many years before I understood what it meant and before I was comfortable accepting this responsibility.  In other cases, the husband may not be ready to completely yield to his wife in all aspects of his life. It is a journey that both husband and wife experience together. As the journey progresses, both husband and wife evolve and move toward the ideal state. At least, that’s how it felt for my husband and I.

Every couple has a different journey.  Some move through it slowly, others speed through it.  Some may even find a happy balance halfway there. My own experiences tell me that the closer you can get to complete authority and submission, the more fulfilling and exciting the WLM will be.

-Mz Kaylee

Absolute Power