Better Spouses | Getting Started

TOWARD A FANTASTIC MARRIAGE: How and why Domestic Discipline works.

An essay by Vivian (part 11).

Getting started

I hope the information on this site is enough to get you started with this new and wonderful aspect of your marital relationship. I promised this page on getting started, but I honestly don’t have much more to say on the subject that isn’t already covered in the site. But I will try to offer something helpful here.

1. If your husband has already told you he is interested in trying Domestic Discipline.

In this case your next step is easy. Take him up on it! You’ll want to begin by sitting down with him to lay out the rules. The rules may be as simple or as complicated as you like but they must include these two primary ingredients.

A) He must promise to comply with your discipline. This does not mean he has to be perfect. Just that when you order him over your knee he takes his place there regardless of the mood he’s in at the time. That is all you really need to start. Your other punishments and discipline will flow from there. He will comply with them knowing if he does not, a hard (or harder) spanking will follow.

B) He must promise to give you control over his sexual release and to never lie to you about masturbating. If you choose to use a chastity device, he must agree to wear it at your discretion.

That’s it for the basics. Once those basics are established the rest is up to you and your imagination. It’s a good idea, as I’ve mentioned, to agree upon a trial period. I believe the trial period should be at least three months in order to evaluate the effectiveness of the program. It is also good to agree upon a “safe phrase” your husband can use in case things go way too far for him. He needs to know that his use of the safe phrase ends the Domestic Discipline part of your relationship for a certain period of time so that things can be properly evaluated. I also recommend a three-month interval between his use of the “safe phrase” and the re-commncement of DD. I recommend this lengthy period because you want your husband to be able to stop things if something is completely unbearable, but you don’t want him using the safe phrase when discipline is simply extremely uncomfortable for him. That would give him too much power in the relationship. The whole point of this is that real power is exchanged in DD. He gives it up and you take it.

2. If your husband has not told you outright that he is interested in trying Domestic Discipline

In this case read the “How will I know” section of this site. Let me repeat that if you are reading this it is most likely that your husband wants and needs Domestic Discipline. You may or may not have a difficult time believing that, but my experience has taught me that most men yearn for and fantasize about DD. Most men do not think their wives would ever dream of taking on the role of disciplinarian and, therefore, do not ask. Simply show him this site or another that deals with the subject and jokingly let him know that you think it would be great to have him serving you for a change.

It is a good idea to probe for his willingness to try DD in a playful or humerous way. As I’ve said before, DD is part game and that is the part that will attract your husband.

After you have introduced the idea in a playful manner be attentive to his response. Even if he initially seems to reject the idea, wait. He’ll likely try to get you to bring up the idea again after he’s had time to think about it. Most likely he’ll make some safe, joking response like. “yea, I bet you’d love that.” or even more to the point like, “maybe that is something I need.” If he gives you any sign, even a slight hesitation, you can be sure he wants DD badly but is too ashamed to tell you. When you hear him say anything that hints at interest, suggest that you try if for a while to see how it goes. I can almost guarantee he’ll agree.

Another way is to approach the matter like I did (see My Story). This is good if you are angry with him or if he has done something that merits punishment and he knows he is guilty. If he feels guilty about something, allow that guilt to sink in and after a while he will approach you to “make up.” That is when you can begin scolding him and letting him know that somthing must be done about his behavior. In a guilty state of mind he will accept your punishment (a hard spanking) and the rules you impose after the punishment. He will also adore you more than ever for the power you have shown him.