Better Spouses | Why this works | Femdom Training

TOWARD A FANTASTIC MARRIAGE: How and why Domestic Discipline works.

An essay by Vivian (part 4).

Why this works

There are few levels to this question. One is why would he submit to me, follow my directions, do as I tell him, accept harsh discipline from me? Another facet of this question is why is it effective at changing behaviors he hasn’t changed in years? The third way this question may be interpreted is why does discipline and restriction (forced chastity) make him behave generally better and more lovingly toward me? Let’s examine each of these layers separately.

1. Why would he cooperate with this?

This is pretty simple. Most men will cooperate with domestic discipline because it is a game. It’s only part game, but it is the part that is a game that wins his willingness to participate. Men love games. They especially love games that are somewhat sexual in nature. Domestic Discipline draws upon early adolescent sexual fantasies to create an exciting psychodrama for him.

Most of the sexual fantasies men entertain are not good for a marriage. They usually involve a variety of sexual partners and do not include his wife. They tend to separate a man psychologically and emotionally from his wife even if he doesn’t act on them. They cause him to be “unfaithful in his heart.” Domestic Discipline, however, exploits the only fantasy that can cause him to be more devoted to his wife, in thought and deed.

Before you go worrying that such a fantasy is a sign of a serious psychological or emotional problem rooted in some terrible abuse as a child, let me explain its origins and help you understand that it’s nothing unusual or pathological. Young boys, moreso than girls, are prone to overt sexual feelings when they are very young. That’s because the penis is external and more prone to stimulation than the clitoris. Anyone who has had a baby boy has noticed his erection at certain times — when changing his diaper or giving him a bath. It simply happens, not because the boy has any idea about sex or is even having sexual thoughts. It’s just because the penis is right out there and easily accidentally stimulated. Even though the baby boy has no conscious notion about sex, the experience of these powerful women in his life causing this strange and pleasant sensation nestles its way into his little subconscious.

Even though boys mature physicially later than girls do, they begin to have strong sexual feelings before puberty. As this is happening, the bodies the of the girls his own age have not yet developed the visual shape that triggers a sexual response in a boy — wide hips, breasts, buttocks. It is usually his female teachers, his friends’ mothers, even his babysitters that evoke his sexual arousal. These are older, powerful women to him. His sexual attraction to them takes place often before he knows what sex is. As he tries to imagine physical intimacy with these women, the only scenario he can imagine that would put his naked genitals close to such a woman is one in which she takes down his pants and puts him over her knee or examines him in such a way that he is humiliated in front of her. Even if he does know what sex is, he knows that he is not a man and would never do as a normal sexual partner for such a woman.

The fantasy of being dominated, by the way, is not unique to men. Obviously, many women also harbor this fantasy. It has been, over the centuries, encouraged in women. If you fantasize about submission and are reluctant to dominate your husband because you’d rather it be the other way around, don’t fear. Read the About Sex section of this web site.

Domestic Discipline is a game that allows him to experience his strong, embedded desire to submit to a superior woman. That’s why he’ll cooperate.

2. Why is it effective at changing specific behaviors?

Because Domestic Discipline is only part game. Part of it is serious business. When you punish your husband, you must do so seriously. When he is over your knee you do not want to allow yourself to feel sympathy for him or to slap his buttocks weakly or playfully. If you do, it will not be effective at changing his behaviors. In fact, it may reinforce the behavior you are trying to eradicate. No, he may take his place over your knee when commanded to do so with the thrill of the game, but once you get going with the punishment, you must make it hurt. When you scold your husband before, during or after a punishment, it must be with a serious tone. Your husband must feel real pain, discomfort and humiliation. You’ll want him begging you to stop long before you actually stop and you want the sting and those welts on his buttocks to linger for a few days after the punishment has been executed. That does not mean that you cannot have a sense of humor about the whole thing. It is, in fact, very funny and humor is an important part of this kind of relationship. You can laugh at him or with him at times. It is probably important that he see your humor expressed so he is reminded that you are a real person, not just a fantasy woman. That said, it is important that during a punishement, he feels the seriousness of his offense.

That is what makes it effecive. Once you are done, he will want to do everything he can to prevent this from happening again, at least for the days it takes for his skin to cool down and the weeks it takes for his memory to fade.

I’m going to address a few concerns here. Some women worry that giving such serious punishment is cruel and will cause her husband to resent her or try to get her back. It is not cruel. It is actually very kind. This is discussed further in the The Gift of Hope. Your husband will certainly not resent you either. Remember, he secretly wants this from you. Your husband will be grateful. He will feel more loving toward you after he’s been punished. He will also feel more secure.

He will feel more secure because, like a child, he needs to feel that he will not spin out of control. Men are more childlike than women in this regard. Compare the kinds of institutios men set up with those that women create. Women create social orders where control is achieved through subtleties and facial expressions. Men create institutions like the military and prisons where conformity is achieved through overt disciplinary means. Men know they cannot be controlled through the means commonly used in society today. They know they need concrete limits and consequences for exceeding those limits in order to feel they are safe from losing control of themselves.

On another level, domestic discipline helps his psychological well being. There is a deep need in the psyche to be punished for misdeeds and shortcomings. If that punishement does not come from without, it will come from within. For most people, the punishment that comes from within is more damaging and less helful than that which is imposed from without. Punishement from within is charactorized by negative self talk such as, “I’m so stupid” or “I’m so weak” or “I’m such an ass” or “I’m nothing but a failure.” On the other hand, when someone is actually punished for a failure, he or she can let the thing go and learn from it. There is no need to punish the self because that has already been done. It frees one to move on and improve.

Another concern many woman have is that while they’d love to be able to improve their husband’s behaviors and attitudes in the ways achieved through Domestic Discipline, they don’t want an adolescent for a husband. They want a man they can look up to and admire. A woman wants a man who will sweep her off her feet, not grovel at her feet. This is a legitimate concern. The thing to keep in mind is that Domestic Discipline is only one facet of your relationship with you husband. One of its benefits is that it gives you the opportunity to tell him exactly what you expect from him. That expectation can include whatever your idea of a perfect husband is. Most of the time, he will behave in ways that more closely match your ideals, especially in public and around other people. No one is perfect, however, and he will need to be disciplined with some regularity. When providing discipline, make a point of enjoying it, the power of it. Indulge the part of you that likes being in control. When he is enduring discofort, remember that he is enduring it for you! He is proving his devotion and love to you. This kind of relationship is much more common than you would think. There is no way of knowing how many marriages use domestic discipline. But any time you look at a marriage and think, “I wish my husband acted more like that one,” suspect that domestic discipline is invovled.

3. Why does discipline and restriction (forced chastity) make him behave more loving toward me?

Forced chastity is the best part of all this. When your man is full of pent up sexual energy and dependent upon you for its release he is truly at his best. Part of it is chemical/hormonal. Part of it is psychological. Built up sexual energy is exactly that, energy! A normally lazy man who has not had an orgasm in a long time is full of energy. He wants to do things. He needs some way to either express or sublimate that sexual energy. All you have to do is tell him the things he needs to do. He’ll do them!

That extra energy is why his chastity needs to be controlled by a woman who loves him. When that is the case, his submissive sexuality will emerge. When chastity is not cotrolled, his aggressive sexuality will emerge and that is usually not a good thing.

When controlled by his wife, chastity makes a man so much sweeter than he would otherwise be. He becomes thoughtful of his wife, he pays attention to her, listens when she talks, wants to know more about her. Because she holds the key to his sexual release he is intensely interestd in her.

Some women may be turned off by this (believe it or not). Such a woman may think it’s superficiall of him to only be interested in her because she controls his ejaculations. She would prefer that her husband show interest in her because he is “truly” interested, not because he is forced to be interested. The thing to remember is that if you are controlling your husband in this way it is only becuase he is allowing you to. He understands that this is what he needs in order to be the kind of husband he really wants to be. It is his love for you that allows him to give you this kind of control. He needs help in order for what is truly in his heart to manifest itself in his behavior. He knows this.

When a man’s orgasms are not controlled, he is a much different person. He is crankier, more demanding of his wife, less interestd in her. Try this experiment. Tell your husband to refrain from masturbating for a week. Be loving with him during that week but do not allow him an orgasm until the week is up. Then, to be sure, give him an orgasm two days in a row. Now observe his behavior for the next two or three days and compare it with his behavior the two or three days pror to his orgasms. You will see a marked difference and it will be merely a hint of what you can expect to acheive through Domestic Discipline. Most of this difference is not intentional on his part. It is biochemical. Some of it is intentional. But he is only able to be really wonderful toward you with the help of his sexual desire and need for you. It’s just the way it is girls, you can either bemoan the facts or use them to your (and your husband’s) advantage. Have fun with it!!!