How To Find A Partner. Lesson 14

femaleleduniversity:

This lesson, is a big one. It is going to touch on many of the lessons before this, and combine them to make a bigger picture of it all. There are several approaches on how to go about finding a partner suitable to you. Back in lesson 3, I talked about the idea of vanilla female led relationships, and how they are very possible and can even become the new normal. As we know, women today, are no longer conforming to the old traditional female role in society. Women, have gained ground among men in all fields, and in many, often lead them. It is not uncommon now, to find that the breadwinner of the household is female. It’s also not uncommon to have a female boss, or self employed women. This is important to note, because it means something. It means that women have begun to become less dependent upon men to achieve the life they desire. As a result of this, relationships have changed, however, because the old traditions are so strong, many women out there, can’t find men that understand them. This confuses male and female relationships in general, and we see this confusion very prominently in society. This confusion is present in both genders, it makes both unsure of what they want, and they end up taking what they can get and hoping it works out. So the divorce rate is high, and the success rate is low.

How do you find a partner that matches who you are?

First of all, we must recognize that society has created certain roles that men and women should play. Recognize that the idea of a submissive male, is seen as weak, and pathetic, and weird, and taboo. Just the idea of a male submitting to a woman is seen as “pussy whipped.” Yet, if you were to go out and get honest answers from the vast majority of men out there, you would discover that they often fantasize about female domination. The number is incredibly high, much higher than you would think. You can do an experiment on this if you wish, post an ad on craigslist. In the ad say you’re looking for submissive males and watch the hundreds of responses per hour that come in. You will be overwhelmed with emails. It will surprise you.

How is it possible, there are that many submissive males out there, but female led relationships are not? Well the answer is simple, the problem is women. Society even while fighting patriarchy with feminism, is still instilling the belief into women, that they are to be desired. There are many industries dedicated to making women desirable for men. What society doesn’t promote, is female desire. There are literal cricket when female desire is concerned. So here we have all sorts of women demanding equal rights in a patriarchal world, and yet women are still conditioned to be an object of a mans desire, which makes her submissive to him from the get go. Yes, women want to feel pretty, and dress up, and be women, however, as long as it caters to male desire, women will forever be trapped in relationships with men that don’t understand them. We have women advancing in all fields, except in the bedroom. Yet, like males, when presented in the proper manner, the idea of female domination in the relationship, is an incredible turn on for many many women that open themselves up enough to actually explore the idea without dismissing it.

Since society has made it difficult for both men and women to fully express who they are, it’s important to understand, how to break that societal role, and take control of your own life and relationships. So lets get down to business, how does a woman go about finding a partner for a female led relationship?

You must flip the traditional approach to a relationship on its head. Be aggressive. Enter it into your personality, to be confident. You must understand, that no matter what you do as a woman, you’re going to attract male attention. You don’t need to try, you never needed to try. Male attention is not hard to get. So instead of channeling all of your energy into looking good, channel it into being confident in your own body. Which often results in looking good anyway. Just that confidence alone, will attract more men to you. But if you add a touch of aggression to that confidence, you will attract the men you’re looking for, while scaring others away. You do not have to be a bitch or even pretend to be a bitch ( unless you want to) just the act of making the first move, or asking him out, or making a decision for you both on a date, is enough to lure any submissive male in. It can be a very subtle aggression, but it’s important to maintain that aggression as a part of your personality…. You will get better at this the more you practice it, and see their responses, which will eventually boost your confidence up to a point where it feels natural. You have to take your power, because it’s not going to be given to you.

Back in lesson 2, the idea of making him wait for sex is important. As a part of your new aggression and confidence, it is important that when a relationship is about to become sexual, it does so only on your terms. This doesn’t mean anything kinky necessarily, it simply means, that you decide. 99% of the time, after a few dates, the male is ready, consent from a male is the easiest thing in the world, of course, you want to make sure you have consent, but the point here, is that it’s usually a non issue. So the decision, lies firmly in your hands. This is important, because if sex starts on your terms, you have set a foundation, that sex will start on your terms, every time. Which automatically changes it from a traditional relationship into a female led one. The next important step, is to put your pleasure first. Again, this doesn’t need to be kinky at all. It simply means, that he will have to focus attention on you first, and you must make this a point. This will turn on the vast majority of males, submissive or not, very quickly. This is exactly what you want. You want him to harness his desire long enough to make your pleasure a priority before his own. With your aggressive approach from the beginning the relationship, and continuing into the sex life, you have set the foundation for a female led relationship. From here, you can openly communicate with your partner, and take it as far as you’d like to go, from vanilla to kink, the options are virtually unlimited.

How does a male go about finding a partner for a female led relationship?
It is a lot more difficult for males. First of all due to sheer numbers alone. It is not difficult for a slightly aggressive woman to find there is no shortage of men out there that suit her. So submissive males are already at odds with each other. A dominant female to a submissive male, is a literal unicorn. Especially to find a woman that isn’t a pro-domme or into the non kink aspects of a female led relationship.

The first thing they must do, is get off the internet! Take your computer, your phone, whatever it may be, and throw it in the garbage…. well not literally, but honestly, get off the internet. The internet is chock full of femdom pornography that in no way resembles anything to do with a real life female led relationship. At least, not at the beginning…. maybe later, if you’re into it, and she’s into it, then as I said, your options are unlimited. However, if you wish to find a woman and actually start a relationship with her, especially female led, get off the internet.

The second thing a submissive male can do, is be honest. Not in the sense of describing what all your fantasies are and how you want them to play out, and look like a creepy weirdo that is causing the taboo on submissive males in the female mind. But in the sense of being who you are. You’re submissive, so don’t be afraid to say that you’re not the aggressive type. That small hint is often more than enough to get the message across. Also, compliment her, you may be submissive, but that doesn’t mean you have to be afraid of her. She’s a human being, like you, and she wants to feel good, like you. So compliment her. This will generate interest. All of this must be done in person. You want eye contact, you want body language, you want chemistry that is felt not read on a screen. It’s important that as a submissive, you get yourself out there meeting women of all walks of life. The more women you meet, the higher the chances of finding a slightly aggressive one.

Third, do not expect to live out your fantasies ever. Understand your own desire to submit. If you do manage to find a partner, if you’re focused on your fantasies, you will push her away. It must be her fantasy. That’s the point. The point is to let her guide you, at her pace, and when she’s ready, she’ll ask you what you really want, and then she’ll decide if she’s willing to explore it with you. You need not even bring this up with her. It’s literally irrelevant until she’s ready, and she’ll ask when she is. Sex is meant to be on her terms, and as a submissive, you know that’s exactly what you want.

Communication is so important. However communication often gets ahead of itself, when it should really be a linear thing. You will have a difficult time finding a partner, if you begin talking about your foot fetish on the second date. How about just bringing up that you like to give pleasure on the second ( or third or fourth, or when it feels right) date and leave it at that?

So get out of your own way, and just be humans getting to know each other, exactly as you are.

The hardest aspect of finding a female partner, is the fact that most women simply don’t know they have the capacity to be dominant. They have never thought about it, or they have, and they’ve never understood how to be. There are many women out there that need a catalyst that opens them up, and what that may be, differs for every individual woman. There is no figuring that one out. All you can do, is continue to be yourself, in a non creepy way, and be focused on letting her make decisions, and generally, putting her first( think chivalry). Some women will find this very attractive, others will find it weird. Do not be afraid of this, because those women aren’t meant for you, so let them go, you will find one that is for you with perseverance. The biggest problem submissive males have is that they simply do not put themselves out there, so they remain invisible ( and lurk on the internet like weirdos).

Female led relationships do not require kink contrary to popular beliefs. They certainly can involve kink and often do, but it’s not a prerequisite. If you are into kink, and you feel you simply cannot go out into the vanilla world and find a partner suitable for you, then you have to face your fears, and go to where kinky people are. Not the ones on the internet. Look up your local area, and join the BDSM community. There is one in every city, and usually in every town. There are usually events every week, if not every day. Do not be shy. They are fun easy going, non judgmental people that welcome newcomers and you’ll meet many interesting individuals that can show you the ropes, so to speak. The community is as vast as it is diverse, and since you’re meeting in person, you’ll automatically be presented with many opportunities to play, and its up to you, if you decide to or not. So get out there, get meeting people, and stop being afraid of who you truly are, this goes for both, males and females. You will discover the feeling of liberation, when you allow yourself to finally express your deepest desires with another. Isn’t that worth it?