This will be a bit longer post then usual and also a bit less kinky sooo, If you are only seeking kink within short posts, make sure you skip this one :)
Two years ago, I started this blog. To be honest, I did not expect myself to keep it running for so long or more. The blog statistics result is 245 posts and 6188 followers on this date. Not much but not negligible either. The truth is, I would have given up on this blog if I didn’t have so many women contacting me either on Tumblr, or via email and that for me, is a real result and reward for my efforts. I feel quite proud with everything we achieved together and what they achieved with their partners, with my small contribution. My purpose was not and it still isn’t to tamper women into dominating their partners. Since I am all about consent and I intend to stay that way, my sole purpose was to help women and couples, to recognize benefits of Female Led Relationships, once they already discussed it or already tried to live that way. So, to summarize these past two years…
Seems I’ve hit the right spots with this post as 99% of feedback via comments are positive.
2. MALE CHASTITY SURFACED AS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF ANY FEMALE LED RELATIONSHIP
Most male partners were interested in chastity but, as much it seemed hot and exciting handing over control, at the same time they were dreaded by the idea. Patience and slow progress are the key. All women, without exaggeration and exceptions, loved the idea in the end, even the ones that were very much against it in the beginning. Loss of control as a fetish of a submissive mind, along with the acceptance of the fact that they all enjoy frustration, frustration which reflects on increased male eagerness to please in every way, are basics of chastity. Chastity equals emasculation, subs crave it.
Furthermore, lets clarify some of the regular thesis, misconceptions and prejudices. Male chastity is not always and only related to men with small penises and cuckolding. Male chastity perhaps is much welcome within those two categories, but nit limited by it. You do not have to practice or lean towards practicing cuckolding part of the lifestyle, or lock your partner penis because it is not of adequate size. Locking it up most certainly says “I own you” because lets face it, men tend to be ruled by their penises. Once your rule the penis, you rule the man.
3. ATTITUDE AS AN ADDICTION
On many occasions, women were stunned by the feeling of rising power over their partners. Almost all, after a while, had doubts and were actually afraid of such power. There is a boundary that needs to be crossed in lieu with accepting such power. After it is crossed, there is no coming back. They all passed with exception of two which backed out ate very beginning.
4. NEW DISCOVERIES
Every woman likes to be treated nicely. We adore generosity and pampering. We all want men that are kind and caring. But in relationships, especially marriages, all these qualities within men, tend to fade away in time. Every male has a submissive side, even ones that would never admit it. Once a woman manages to bring it to surface and work on it, those lost qualities tend to re-appear and actually get more and more intense and solid. With self-declared submissive partners, it is much easier of course, one just need to flick that switch. Reading testimonials of how every moment in a Female Led relationship, is full of new discoveries, new levels, new ideas is a pleasure and privilege for me.
5. TAKING OVER
I am not the type of person that do things partially. So once I decided to “take over” my marriage, I warned my husband I will be taking over completely. It was take it or leave it for him, and he took it. What exactly this means? It means that no loose ends should be left behind for his will to be, however it also means a huge increase of responsibility for a woman. Consensual and responsible Female Led Relationship is the only proper way for me/us. I managed to transfer these thoughts to most women I talked to, but not all. For some all this is just too much work. So, whoever sees it as too much work, my opinion is that they just do not feel it the right way. For such I say, leave it alone and continue vanilla. But make sure you say it clearly and out loud to your partner, keeping him/her hanging on is not fair one bit. Taking over should be a slow and thorough process, process carefully led by a woman, often full of repetition until perfection.
6. DEVOTIONAL SEX
I always say that Female Led Relationships are based on sex and kink, and I still stand by that testimony, especially when it comes to submissive side of such relationships, but not limited to men. If woman does not feel it in a sexual way, as much as she wants the non-sexual part of a FLR, it is not going to work. That’s way such couples, which both feel it the same way, are simply condemned to have success. But it definitely is not all and only sex, there is so much more to it. But to keep it simple for this post, we question why devotional sex? First to say, devotional sex is generally idea that comes from submissive minds. They see themselves as unequal, they see their partners as queens, goddesses, etc…They have an urge to sacrifice their own pleasure for the benefit of their queens and this sacrifice, gives them more pleasure then any other found within vanilla sex. This is where women need to figure out if they like being more on receiving or giving ends. I do not want to be exclusive, but if being on giving or “equal” end is your thing, then you are not the material for a Female Led Relationship.
7. KINDNESS OF THE DOMME OR AFTERCARE
This is a little bit of place because for me, it simply natural and normal that a Domme loves her sub, just as much as he loves her, but…
The aftercare is usually linked with wound healing or similar. I do not practice aftercare in such way simply because I never hurt my sub to the point he’d need such aftercare. But, there also is mental and emotional aftercare, the one that you do without any kind of medicine or medical aid. Also, I do not even call it that because caring for your submissive is a continuous process, not something you might do when it is too late. Meaning, do not ever forget why you love your submissive, and why you love him even more from that day he confessed. Any type of aftercare is essential to keep the balance but it also provides more latitude to increase / intensify any action or part of Female Led relationship.
8. DOMME vs. NON-DOMME
“How can I know if he loves me because of me or because I am giving him what he wants, fulfilling his sub desires?” This is something I read on several occasions from women and yes, a bit tricky part. Was your man going behind your back, looking for a Domme? No. He wants you to be it simply because you are the one he loves. Yeah I know, this question is not easy to ignore, I know because it took me a while to have my answer. There is no proper general advice to put here so, this is what I suggest…If by a chance you have a doubt like this one, and to be honest, you should have it as human, do not break your brain about it, just go for some the trial period and see what happens. Be the domme, a real one for a certain period of time, and see how the doubt easily vanishes from your mind.
9. WHAT DO YOU GIVE AND WHAT DO YOU RECEIVE
This part of the post should suit well both Dommes and subs. Relatively often, women asked themselves what’s in it for him? What exactly does sub get from such a relationship? I mean, it seems it is all about giving with him, getting nothing in return. A simple sentence clarifies it all, he gets what he always dreamed about, being a giver in a one-way, devotional relationship. You do not have to bother your mind with question about of what his dream consists, just follow the proper path to FLR and once you both end up happier, you’ll have your answer. You give him his dream, you receive what most women dream about, unconditional surrender, attention, time and being placed at an invisible pedestal.
10. MISCELLANEOUS THOUGHTS
At some point, woman has to “decide” on how intense her FLR should be. Meaning how much of time within a day, one shall be called “dear” and how much time one shall be called “Mistress”. The best thing to do is to define your subs behavior once you call him “dear” and when you call him “slave” or similar. For me, there is no such thing as 24/7 but I am not saying, it is not an option for couples that want it. My part of 24/7 comes to my husband knowing at all times that he is submissive to me, even when I call him some very sweet, loving and non-flr names. The same goes for me, whenever I am completely vanilla, I keep in mind I am always the boss.
Being a Domme doesn’t make me emotionless and abusive bitch. There is a thin line between use and abuse, but any sane intelligent woman will know the difference. Still, that feeling of wickedness constantly comes back and brings a nice hot grin on my face. Domestication of your partner is very important but, I’d never suggest it in full, simply because you do not want your pup to start loosing touch with his human nature. Yes of course you should and must transfer most duties to him, but as much as one wants a servant, one wants a happy servanty a servant that has much more to offer then just being a buttler or a maid.
My sub must be happy in whatever action he is, whatever task I give him, whatever I decide to do to him. If a day should come, a day my sub will stop smiling while enetering his subspace, I’d call the whole thing off, at least until his smile comes back.
So to conclude these two years, lets see what exactly makes a Female Led Relationship so special, at least to me:
– I am now thoroughly convinced that no man can be so devoted to a woman as a submissive man can. And lets face it, most women want just that, devotion.
– The world seem to become more and more messy with progressive lack of moral these days. Couples divorce, cheat on each other, relationship fall apart for very stupid reasons. However in a solid and sustainable Female Led relationships, the grounds seem more solid, well..like in any dictatorship, to be fully honest. We can easily compare dominants and subs with magnets :)
– In these two years I had no negative feedback from ladies I communicate with, except for one time. That relationship started the wrong way, and it ended that way. This is why I think a person cannot just meet someone, admit his submissive or hers dominant tendencies, go for it and end in success. I firmly believe every sustainable FLR must start as a vanilla relationship and progress to a Female Led one.
– Female Led relationship, providing both parties are in it because they simply don’t want to live without it, is an endless source of ideas, inspiration of play, a dullness killer. Simply looking at the photo above, try thinking of how many things two can do together, things that include only feet. And that is just a mild beginning of it all.
– In a FLR, discipline is a very important part. Disciplining your male sub, whether it’s about physical or mental, should definitely be presented on daily basis. Real submissive men learn they roles quickly and practically, they do not need discipline to keep them in line. However, levels of submission highly depend on discipline, more precisely the type of discipline.
– Even if your sub is for real, even if he admits his desires openly, even if a woman, after some time, concludes on her own that his submissivness is for real, humility is something that yet has to be achieved. And the only way to make a man humble is to humiliate him. Lots of women have issues with this fact, and simply dislike humiliation of any kind. This might be a problem to some but it shouldn’t. Humiliation can be fun, as well as effective. The photo below is an example of mild, yet efficient way of humiliating a man.
– The question of going public with a Female Led Relationship is relatively quite common one among couples or individuals. I enjoy some public play, but I strictly take into account that we do not do it just any place. I had my husband kiss my feet in public places but always when we are away together on a trip to a place where nobody knows us. But this issue is also individual for each couple involved in FLR to decide if and how they might engage in such play.
So, to conclude all this:
1. Use but never abuse
2. Be dominant 24/7 but do not dominate 24/7
3. Move or remove boundaries but do not rush with it
4. Discover new things, use the net as it is full of ideas
5. Play a lot, especially when he is not expecting it
6. Humiliate lightly, but intensify in time
7. love your submissive for what he is, make sure you let him know often
8. Enslave your man but never turn him into a doormat
9. Share your experience(s) with the world, especially with other women
10. Enjoy
I think this covers most of what I feel and need to say, except for one thing and that thing is cuckolding. If we move a bit away from all the porn related, in real life this is the most difficult issue for any couple, even ones that think differently about it. So the cuckolding part deserves a post on its own, but I’ll deal with that later, if I feel like it :) And simply because I do not see it as such an essential part to Female Led Relationships
Head trainer at femdomtraining.ca My goal is to enlighten men and women on the benefits of a female led relationship, and to teach specific methods on how to become a more dominant woman, and a more submissive man. My hypnosis files are powerful and will accomplish this. Try them out. We offer a 100% satisfaction guarantee on all of them.
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