More on the Paradigm Shift

The paradigm shift I wrote about in my last post is an advanced topic when it comes to WLM and something that can only occur in mature WLMs. I know from past comments that many of you are in mature WLMs and so I knew that some of you could relate to the idea and understand it. I was happy to read your comments. I am sure there are also many readers who did not fully grasp the concept or understand how it could work. That is perfectly fine. Even just a few years ago, I could not have wrote the post because I did not know enough to fully comprehend it, and I’ve been in a WLM for about 20 years.

There are also guys who understand it or who can relate to many aspects of it, but have not made the shift yet. The largest hurdle for guys in making the shift is being able to change their primary focus from self-gratifying pleasure to experiencing pleasure through satisfying her. Most guys that are into being dominated say that their focus is on serving the woman but it is not really true. Their primary reason for submitting to a woman is to experience the pleasure of being dominated. They only want t be dominated in a way that brings them pleasure. That is fantasy play and not true submission. Again, there is nothing wrong with fantasy play if that is what you want and if you can find a woman who is happy to engage in it from time-to-time. However, the challenge is that submissive guys want to be dominated more and more but most women do not seek out or crave domination in the same way that men crave submission. In fact, it tends to be a lot of work for us and is outside our comfort zone. A guy who is serving primarily for his own self-gratification is high maintenance and becomes tiresome to satisfy and therefore it is not a sustainable for the woman to continue or it becomes unsatisfying for her.

Those who want to succeed longer term and experience a deeper sense of fulfillment, need to channel their submission into doing things that maker her happy. Him doing all the chores that I do not like makes me happy. Pampering me and treating me nice makes me happy. Doing what I tell him or ask him to do without question or complaining makes me happy, and of course pleasuring me the way I like to be pleasured makes me happy. When a guy begins to think and act in way that takes these things into consideration, he is adding value to his submission. This makes domination more appealing to the woman. This is the right path to move down to achieve a long-term sustainable WLM/FLR and to ultimately discover the paradigm shift.

I feel I’ve gone through a paradigm shift in my thinking as well. In my WLM journey I started out dominating to satisfy my husbands desires. Eventually, I discovered that I could dominate in a way that benefited me while also satisfying him. Over time I used that more and more to my advantage. However, it was quite a bit of work for me and I was often challenged with finding time to dominate him consistently. The paradigm shift occurred when I realized two critical things. The first was that being strict and demanding and holding him accountable 24/7 is what he really wanted and is what motivates him. The second realization was that I needed to stop viewing him as a traditional husband and begin to manage him like an employee or a child and make him work hard for me so that it frees up my time. For example, instead of me spending time on doing chores and errands, I spend my time managing him doing the chores and errands. Part of that management includes holding him to high expectations, reviewing his performance, and rewarding, disciplining, or punishing him based on that performance. In this new paradigm I also proactively dominate him in ways that he desires in order to bring him emotionally closer to me and motivate him to serve and obey me even more. When I exercise this type of domination it serves a purpose for me and is not just for his self-pleasure. This is a completely different mindset compared to the traditional role of a spouse and not exactly the norm in society. However, it is amazingly effective. In the end, it is a lot less work for me and it satisfies his submissive cravings and makes him want to obey me and be good for me. Now I have much more free time to do what I want and I never have to do unpleasant things like cleaning the toilets. He is loving my increased strictness and domination so it is a win-win for both of us. My standard of living has skyrocketed since I discovered the paradigm shift!

Ironically, I have written about the concepts in the above paragraph in my past posts in some form. Although I wrote about them, I struggled a bit putting them into practice. It’s not always easy to do. It took time and trail and error for me to get to a point where things started to really click for me. An athlete does not become a pro overnight. It takes many years and thousands of hours of practice and repetition to build the skills and acquire the knowledge and experience to perform at a high level. The same is true as you move along the WLM journey. I can easily tell you that making the paradigm shift will make everything come together so perfectly in the WLM and be life changing but you’re not going to be able to do it effectively without first going through your own WLM journey of trial and error to build your leadership and domination skills.

-Mz Kaylee