Somewhat recently, I made some guest posts on chastity and chastity devices. Based on some of the comments to those posts I just wanted to state a few things regarding those posts and any further  posts that I might make including this one. There is no one size fits all when it comes to anything and that most definitely includes relationships and even more specifically kinky FLR ones. Everyone’s flavor of kink is slightly or even largely different. Everyone’s life experiences are different. Everyone’s reaction to various stimulus are a bit different. So what works for one couple may not work at all for another couple. We all are made up of unique mojo. So please when you read anything I might have to say keep that in mind. I am not claiming to be the final authority and expert on anything, not by a long shot. Be very wary of professed experts. Because someone is loud and vocal and speaks from a high pulpit, it does not necessarily  make them an authority on anything. One just needs to look at our politicians over the years to understand this. Because you read something somewhere, very often it does not mean that its actually true. All I can say is that I do my very best to write from the heart with what I have specifically found to be the true in my own relationship. Its what we have experienced as a couple and it is what has evolved and what has worked for us uniquely. Everyone’s mileage will vary greatly. Exercise your own brain and apply your own truths to everything that you do in life. Disclaimer done…..

 

My Secret Weapon: The Marital Triad  – and More…. :)

So in my marriage :)  chastity, orgasm control and pegging (yes my man loves it up the ass and he is so embarrassed by that….) , they all play a very important and prominent role. Those have become my marital triad, my secret weapon to relationship success.  As a female,  I have definitely learned to leverage this to my personal advantage and to the overall benefit of our marriage (for the mutual benefit of both parties not just me). I manage him with this triad of tools to further the overall “and already existing” happiness in our marriage, it has become a legitimate and valued tool in my resource kit. This most definitely was not the case for much of our marriage. Like most women, the ideas of chastity cages and orgasm control were way beyond the limits of my conventional thinking. These concepts just did not logically make sense to me. But I am evolving and just  like religion, there is more than meets the eye with all of this. But the bottom line is that for whatever crazy reason it seems to work magic. At the end of the day I go with what works and not what I think should work. I have gone from the reluctant bewildered FLR partner, to the wife who now embraces the power and magic of FLR. I still don’t fully understand why locking my husbands penis up and severely rationing his orgasms makes him so happy, but I’m beginning to understand it. Men are just different than us is the duh answer. They are just weird strange creatures. The sooner that we as women accept this simple truth, the sooner we will reach a peaceful state of mind. I have evolved with what I initially viewed as “his kinks”. His kinks are now “my kinks”. I have now taken his kinks and raised them by a few chips of my own. The proof is in the pudding. The frequent wetness between my legs tells me that I now “like it” as well. And oh by the way,  if “his kink” also means that I largely have the last word in all marital decisions and that most of the house work is done by his sexually drooling self, that’s a huge huge win for me. If he loves to massage my butt and legs and lick my pussy and ass out every night, go right ahead mister! I’m gladly giving him that kind of power over me :) So you definitely can say I have “come around” to the benefits of chastity and orgasm control as weird as that may sound and as illogical they may sound to my womanly mind!

When you begin to go up to the kink tree and open up your formerly restricted mind to other ideas and when you begin to loose your fear of venturing into the naughty and unknown through previous successes,  you begin to explore other areas of kink. We also have incorporated some other FLR associated activities into our marriage. Like pegging, they are not everyone’s cup of tea, but once again they seem to work for our unique relationship. Like chastity and orgasm control which were foreign and illogical to me, we now practice forms of physical discipline and panty wearing in our marriage, or I should say he does.

I discipline my husband for not towing the line to my personal satisfaction. How did this come about? Not by me. Like most everything else along these lines, he introduced me into this area of kink. This is one I have really struggled with. As a loving partner, as a woman, why would I ever want to possibly beat my loving husband across his butt so hard that he cries like a child? The answer once again is that he is just one weird strange animal and that it somehow feeds positively into his sexual mojo. It makes him happy. Bizarre yes!  And once again along the way I have somehow (and I still struggle with this) found that it turns me on!  I feel like the dirty slutty wife as I beat his ass with the strap and my pussy is dripping and sheening with its own juices as I do it! If it increases his happiness and increases his ability to perform all of the domestic tasks to my satisfaction, more power to it. Strapping my husband backside, regularly, when he honestly deserves it, benefits me personally is the bottom line to this kink and it seems to make him a better partner both sexually and non sexually. So the strap now hangs easily within reach in our bedroom closet and he oils and conditions it weekly as part of his standard chore list. Just remember its to discipline and correct his under performing behavior and not to play into his quest for kink. That’s why you need to make it painful to him (those tears are a must) and not just a sexual activity that he seeks out by creating incidents which play into that sort of deception.  You can also incorporate a more routine regimen of kink satisfying spanking sessions which are much less severe in nature as a reward for jobs well done.  Both venues work well with me/us. 

Panty wearing…. Oh my god!  This is one that honestly I incorporated into the marriage more than him suggesting it in any way. Remember when I said that I called his bet and raised it earlier on…. When you already peg your mans ass regularly with a dildo and you already have him keep his nether regions shaved front and back for you, this one just seemed like a natural extension, a sure fire kink amplifier. It was me being my new evolved wicked best. And guess what, it works. He hated them at first and he still has a love hate relationship with them.. He found (finds) them very embarrassing. But I think more than finding them embarrassing to wear,  he is internally more distressed to find that by wearing them he is sexually and psychologically turned on to them! His cock just seems to magically begin oozing away whenever he puts them on. If he wasn’t caged 24 x 7, I am positive to say that he would be regularly tenting inside of them. That’s what he really finds embarrassing and his secret is out with me and  he can’t hide it.  This is which makes it so wicked in both of our minds. It really amps the kink factor way up with both of us. I hate to say this about myself, but seeing him in a smooth pair of satiny or frilly panties makes me wet! I don’t understand why. Having a cross dressing man does not appeal to my flavor of kink whatsoever, but somehow panty wearing is an exception to my mind. Today, as we speak, he has no “male” underwear. He wears panties or he wears nothing. I have one emergency pair of tidy whitey jockey shorts (which by the ways he has also always hated – he was always more of a sports boxer guy) which I keep locked up and put away. He gets to wear these judiciously for doctors visits and what not, but I also make him sweat out whether I will allow him that manly vestige of pride or not!

Why am I writing this and where am I going with this? As a formerly very straight and very vanilla woman I know this all sounds so strange and bizarre to other women. It can initially be all so frightening.  All of this stuff just sort of remaps what defines a man and what defines a woman – at least with what we have been originally taught by our parents and society. Are we going to hell for exploring these outer boundaries? These are all legit fears. Why are men just so different from us and why do they need all of this weirdness in their lives? The answer once again is just that they are – don’t try to hard to understand it, it won’t happen. But I am here as a woman to say, be brave and try some of this in your relationship. You might be very surprised as to how much joy and benefit this will open up to your partnership. You have to really ask yourself who is getting hurt by opening up yourself to these “wicked” practices? Who is the injured party? There isn’t one!!!!! You are satisfying his kinks for sure but at the same time your opening up yourself to a whole multitude of pleasurable unexplored venues in life. And did I mention the household chores, the back rubs, the great sex… it goes on. There is no free ride however, there is no magic one size fits all bullet and path to take. No matter what type of relationship you decide to pursue and to pursue successfully,  they all take a lot of work, effort and commitment. If love, care and respect don’t already exist in your marriage then this isn’t going to fix that.  If both partners are not receiving benefit then this is not some sort of relationship placebo. In my mind this is something which amplifies the existing love and sexuality in a already working partnership. But do try some of this out, it might greatly enhance what already is a very good thing. At worst,  it doesn’t work and you move on. No harm, no foul. Be bold and try something a bit different.

AJ

My Secret Weapon: The Marital Triad – and More…. (Guest Post by AJ)

The Ultimate Male Chastity Key Holding Experience