In our home Ms. Debbie doesn’t permit me to make major purchases without her knowledge or participation. The last item she permitted me to select was a new iron; of course she deferred to me since, in our home, I do all the ironing so she let me chose. It was funny but we went into three stores and at each one the sales person originally directed their sales pitch at Ms. Debbie who informed each of them that I did the ironing and so I would be the one making the selection. I informed Ms. Debbie of my choice and she agreed, saying “So, this is the one you want?”To which I replied, “Yes, Ma’am”. The lady, making the sale, was impressed with the control Ms. Debbie had and commented that she wished her hubby did the ironing to which Ms. Debbie commented, “He can, and will if you insist on it. Men respond well if told what to do”. Old stereotypes don’t apply in FLMs…

Another instance we were at a restaurant and the waiter was surprised when Ms. Debbie ordered for herself and then for me. The waiter missed his cue even after I responded “Yes, Ma’am” to a question she posed. Nevertheless, complying with the rules off patriarchy, the waiter focused his attention on me throughout the meal despite my efforts to redirect attention to Ms. Debbie. When the check was presented it was placed in front of me. Ms. Debbie took the check and provided her credit card and told him, “The sooner you learn how to treat a modern women, the better your tip will be”. She left him a minimal tip and complained to the manager. Two weeks later we visited the same restaurant and had the same waiter whose service was completely focused on Ms. Debbie. She commented to the waiter, “it seems you’ve learned some lessons, little man”. Indeed he had. After our last visit the restaurant manager conducted some ‘gender awareness’ training that made the wait staff aware of how they should treat a ‘modern woman’.

Another instance concerned my after work activities. A group of guys from work were planning an after work social of sorts and I was asked to go with them. Now our FLM had some rules concerning the husband’s outside activities and I announced that I couldn’t go without my wife’s permission – a response that took them back and resulted in some smirks and laughter. I made a call on my office speaker phone to Ms. Debbie’s cell phone – she was out of town on business – and asked her permission. Within earshot, “Definitely not”, was her response, adding that I was behind on my chores and that I had better get my priorities straight. “Well, Ms. Debbie says “No” so it looks like I can’t go,” I responded. Hoots of laughter followed with one so called ‘friend’ commenting “we know who wears the pants in your family, and who wears the pantyhose.” “Are you wearing pantyhose?” one guy, laughing, asked. Another chimed in, “What’s with the Ms. Debbie thing, do you always call her Ms. Debbie?” Another added, “what does she call you, sissy David?” More laughs and a comment, “you are really pussy-whipped”. The guys left for the bar laughing and tossing more derogatory comments. Now maybe I could have gone any way but I dared not disobey Ms. Debbie – not only was I conditioned to obey, but had I gone, one or more of Ms. Debbie’s woman friends who worked in my office and always kept tabs on me, would have surely let her know, resulting some serious discipline. After they left one of Ms. Debbie’s woman friends, Phyllis, came to my office and said, “We heard the whole thing and you did the right thing.” She added, “but you shouldn’t have asked at all, you know you have things that need tended to”. Both women posed a rhetorical question, “who do you want to please, your wife or a bunch of jerks? The answer was obvious – Ms. Debbie. The next day the harassment from the guys continued but Phillis went to our HR manager and two of the guys received a reprimand. The negative comments continued and I’m an outsider with the guys but – more importantly my stature with the women, particularly Ms. Debbie’s friends, was enhanced. When Ms. Debbie returned I was given a few face slaps and admonished not to “ask stupid questions” and her rules on going out were reviewed I was rewarded when the net week I was given permission to have an after work social at the bar with Ms. Debbie’s office friends, Phillis, Joan, and Charlene. The girls laughing reviewed the events of the last week and posed two questions: was I pussy-whipped like the guys said?” and “were you wearing pantyhose the night the guys wanted me to go out? To the first question my response was a resounding, “YES”. As for my wearing pantyhose as the guys alleged, well I left that question to their imagination…

David