We all know that males overflow with sexual energy. It’s like the moment they first discovered sexual pleasure in their adolescence, it ignited an endless volcano of sexual desire. It seems virtually impossible for men to contain it. Erections are rampant, porn addictions are common, crude sexual jokes and comments never get old with men, and men are always looking to get laid or dreaming about it. Their sexual energy is constant and radiates from every inch of their bodies. I usually don’t like to generalize about people but in this case I think it’s appropriate. Sure, some guys are better at managing it on the surface, but I’m pretty sure what I described above fits 99% of guys to some degree. Guys, if you disagree feel free to voice your opinion but first make sure you read this entire post so you understand my complete thinking on this topic.

I am convinced that men are hard wired with constant sexual energy. It is in their nature. The challenge is that not all women are prepared to meet this level of sexual energy and most men do not have women at their beck and call to quench their energy. At a young age, a female partner is not even an option for boys. It almost seems cruel that puberty starts at such a young age for boys. The result is that boys and teenagers resort to chronic masturbation and porn. Sexual jokes and inappropriate public behavior also come into play and are signs of their sexual energy spilling over; symbolic of their desperate pleas for sex. When they finally do reach a point where they have a meaningful relationship with a woman, they’ve already formed these bad habits. These bad habits continue into the relationship unless something (or someone) forces things to change.

The Married Masturbating Man
Let’s fast forward to marriage. Ladies, whether you know it or not, you husband is masturbating and looking at porn and probably doing some of the other items mentioned above. Unless you have already grabbed the bull by the horns and put a stop to it, it’s happening. Masturbating is not necessarily a bad thing. For single guys it’s a normal part of life. A guy needs to release his sexual energy on a regular basis, especially younger guys. For married guys, it’s also a release when they are not getting enough sexual attention from their wife. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that that majority of married men and men in committed relationships have a much higher sex drive and need for sex than their partner. I know it’s not true for every couple, but it is a common problem. Therefore masturbation is a way for them to release that sexual energy while still staying faithful to their partner.

While I see masturbation as acceptable in a traditional marriage, it can become destructive and I see it as wasted energy. Masturbation becomes destructive when it consumes the husband’s sex life. If he is spending more time fantasizing about other women and masturbating, compared to the intimate and quality time he is spending with his wife, then it is a problem. There are many reasons why this could happen, some of which could be the fault of the husband and some could be the fault of the wife. I don’t not intend to get into the ‘why’ discussion in this post. Instead I’d like to discuss how to prevent it or change it. You see, un-monitored masturbation is wasted energy that has little benefit to the wife. In a WLM, the wife should put a stop to her husband’s self-masturbation and redirect his sexual energy to her.

The first step is to call him out on it and lay down the law that he is not allowed to masturbate without permission. The second step is to take control of his orgasms. No orgasms without your permission. He must always ask for permission to orgasm. You (the wife) decide when and how he orgasms – no exceptions.  By implementing these two steps, you are redirecting all his sexual energy toward you and away from random masturbation and fantasizing about other women. This  gives you an exciting power over him. Since you are the one that holds the key to his orgasms, he will start to bend over backwards to please you in order to get an orgasm.

Orgasm control also forces a mental shift in the male mind and puts you at the center of his attention. What I have heard from my husband and other guys is that, when under orgasm control, fantasies still run wild in their head. In fact, when you incorporate orgasm denial, the fantasies becomes even more frequent and more wild. However, the fantasies start to evolve around you and not other women. Take a moment to pause and think about the effect of that on your husband. Suddenly you are the center of his fantasy and he is fantasizing about you frequently – probably daily. It’s no doubt that his fantasies involve you dominating him in some extreme way.  Put all this together with orgasm control and no masturbation without permission, and the result is that his arousal is constant and his mind is sinking deeper into submission to you.  Not just submission but submission to you. It’s very powerful and it is real.

Managing His Sexual Energy
Once you put orgasm and masturbation control into effect, your work is not done. You can’t just implement these rules and then do nothing and expect him to always be a perfect little subbie for you (that would be nice, wouldn’t it!). His mind will be going wild by not being allowed to orgasm or masturbate. You need to monitor and manage him on an ongoing basis in order to keep him obedient and focused on you. This is especially important when your first start out.

The monitoring is about being in tune with his emotions and mind set. Pay attention to his mood, attitude, and horniness. If you are seeing large mood swings or he starts to become very needy or annoying, then it’s probably a sign that he needs an orgasm to release all that built up tension and emotion caused by orgasm denial. Too much denial and restriction can back fire on you and de-motivate him.

If he is super horny…perfect! He is in a weakened state of mind and ripe for having your way with him. This is when you have the most power and influence over him so have fun Goddesses! When orgasm control is done right, he is in a constant state of arousal and always at your mercy. That is the result of you harnessing all that wasted energy from masturbation and using it to create value for you!

In addition to monitoring his state of mind, you need to manage his sexual energy on an ongoing basis with the objective of keeping him in a steady horny state. Keeping him in this state of mind keeps him focused on you and keeps him productive and obedient for you. The work it takes to manage his sexual energy pays off in dividends for you.

Think of it as keeping a warm campfire burning.  A nice steady fire on a cool night feels great. If you stand a few feet away you feel a comforting and pleasant warmth. That is his steady state arousal. However, the fire is not going maintain its warmth on its own. You need to add some fuel to the fire to keep it going. Every now and then you have to throw some wood on the fire to keep it burning. The great thing about submissive men is that there are lots of sources of fuel for their sexual energy. A few minutes of cock teasing stokes the fire. Ordering him to orally pleasures you causes an inferno. When a guy is in his steady aroused state, simply taking a strict tone or ordering him to do something can fuel his sexual energy. With my husband, all I need to do speak to him or question him in a commanding tone and *boom!* his arousal spikes. Something as easy as ordering him to clean the bedroom or kneeling before me starts an erection growing in his pants.

There are so many ways to stoke the fire. The bigger the log, the more combustible the fuel, the more sexual energy and arousal you get. Intense teasing sessions, sex, domination and fantasy play are all highly combustible fuels. If I do any of these with Thomas, his arousal is a raging fire and the effect lasts for days. Not only does his arousal intensify; his submission, obedience, and loyalty to me intensifies. The smart wife, recognizes this and leverages it to benefit her.

With your husband, if you set a goal to throw at least one log in the fire each day to fuel his sexual energy, then you’ll always have a nice warm fire to enjoy. Just a few minutes a day will keep his arousal flowing. Sometimes, I will just tease his cock long enough to get him hard and then stop.  That’s all he gets for the day!  If you can drop more then one log on the fire in a day or do one of the more intense activities to get his energy raging, that is even better. A good goal is to incorporate the more intense item at least once a week.

Keeping the Fire Burning
These are just guidelines. Everyone is different and requires different levels of attention to get results. Some of you may already be doing these types of things more frequently and other women may struggle to keep up with the guidelines I provided. You may have days or weeks where you don’t do anything because other things in life get in the way. It happens to all of us. If you are new to WLM, it can be challenging to manage all this because fueling his sexual energy is not something your used to doing. It is a new focus for you and requires forming new habits and routines. It can be challenging also because the effects on him of not doing it are not always visible to you. You can’t see the struggles for attention and craving to be dominated and controlled that he is wresting with inside his mind and so for you it easy for all this to be out of sight, out of mind. To get the most out of your WLM, that traditional way of thinking needs to change. You need to be tuned into his sexual energy and always be monitoring and managing it. A few days missed is not a big deal. When it turns to weeks, the husband usually starts to lose focus and become frustrated or depressed and that’s when the bad behavior or laziness starts.

If you struggle to keep up with managing his sexual energy (I did for many years), the key is to set the goal of doing it and never lose sight of the goal. Establishing routines also helps you stick with it. Stay in tune with your husband’s attitude and behavior. If you notice you are losing some of the warmth from the fire, then do something to fuel it back up again. There were many times with Thomas, where I almost let the fire go out and when I realized that, it upset me. What I learned is that with submissive men (or at least with Thomas), it is so easy to ignite the fire again. One moment of domination and it’s like pouring kerosene on the hot ashes. Instantly the flames rise up and his submissive fire is burning hot again, like nothing ever changed. If you find yourself in a situation where things are going south because you’ve not been dominant or sexual for sometime, no worries. Spend a night being dominant with him and re-iterating your expectations of his obedience to you and he will be thrilled and right back under your thumb!

Concluding Thoughts And Call To Action
In a traditional marriage, sex is an event and masturbation is left unchecked. There is no attention paid by the wife to the constant sexual energy that flows within her husband. What makes a WLM, different is that the wife recognizes this sexual energy and takes control of it in order to mold him into an obedient and loyal submissive. Sex for the submissive man is not just an event. It is special privilege that must be earned and is managed by the wife. Sex to the submissive man evolves into something completely different. His sexual pleasure comes from being controlled, being mentally fucked, and pleasuring and obeying her. That is his sex. It is constant arousal with a few burst of intense pleasure thrown in every now then. The submissive man does not have physical sex and orgasm as much as a man in a traditional marriage but his sex life is much better and more intense because his wife is constantly stoking his arousal and sexual energy. Most guys that experience this never want to go back to the traditional way.

For all my fellow Goddesses out there, if you have not done so already, take control of your man’s orgasms right now and put a stop to his uncontrolled masturbation. This will focus his attention on you. Manage his orgasms and don’t let his sexual energy go to waste. Invest time into it to gain control over him so that you can benefit from his submissive needs and desired. He will love it and you will have him wrapped around your finger.

-Mz Kaylee

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Redirecting His Sexual Energy