In a previous post, “Redirecting His Sexual Energy,” I wrote about how sex for submissive men evolves into something new.  Here is a quote from that post:

This concept resonated with many readers so I decided to expand on it more with this post to help my fellow Female Goddesses understand some of what drives men to submit and serve. I owe much credit to my husband for this post because I picked his brain a lot when writing this. Of course, he is my property and therefore all the credit goes to me anyway :). 

A man who has very few orgasms and very few chances at intercourse but who has an incredible and intense sexual life, makes perfect sense to me. However, when I think back to when I first learned about female domination (femdom) and wife led marriage (WLM) the idea of teasing and orgasm denial (or orgasm control) was strange to me. When my husband first confessed his desire for me to control his orgasms, it was humorous to me and I remember thinking it was strange. I immediately questioned him in a joking way by saying something like, “you mean I can forbid you from having an orgasm for two months if I want?”I totally expected him to back-pedal on his desire so it completely surprised me when he told me that if that’s what I wanted, I could do it. It seemed crazy to me at the time but it sounded like fun to try. And trust me, I had a lot of fun with it the first few weeks and have never turned back since.

I soon realized that my husband wanted me to always orgasm before him and that he found it exceptionally thrilling if he gave me an orgasm while I denied him from having an orgasm. I must confess it is nice having a man completely focused on my pleasure and expecting no orgasm in return. However, deep down there was that burning question of why does he not want to orgasm with me or what is he getting out of it? Even my husband admitted that when he first learned about orgasm denial, he did not understand why guys would want to be denied orgasm. Why would a guy want to be denied the intense pleasure that he naturally craves on a daily basis?

What I’ve learned over the years is that there are two key reasons that submissive guys get hooked on T&D. The first is the submissive rush they get from being controlled by a female. Submissive guys enjoy being under the authority of someone else and they crave experiences in which they feel strictly controlled. When a female takes control of when and how a guy can orgasm, it brings out those deep submissive feelings and those submissive feelings generate arousal. Since guys pretty much want to masturbate every day, when their wife controls their orgasms, it means on a daily basis they are feeling her control because they are either locked in chastity or must exert self-control to refrain from masturbating to orgasm, The second reason is to experience the intense arousal and pleasure of being teased and denied orgasm. This is often a learned experience for a guy. Many guys will reject the idea of denial because they don’t understand the pleasure that comes from it. Most guys have their sights set on the orgasm. However, once a guy experiences the pleasure of teasing and denial it opens up a new world of pleasure for him and after a few times many guys become hooked.

We all know that orgasms result in amazing and intense pleasure that can not be replicated by any other means. Let’s face it, orgasms are great! However, for men they are short and for a lot of guys getting to the orgasm is very quick. There is a reason why “the two minute man” is a common joke. Most guys are also ‘one and done.’ Not only are they done after one orgasm, but they become completely checked out and disinterested in the women. So while guys love sex, it is typically a quick experience and results in him shutting down afterward. 

Guys who discover T&D, learn that it leads to long lasting pleasure. There is pleasure during the teasing that ebbs and flows continuously and there is a rush of pleasure at the moment of denial. Unlike an orgasm, the rush of pleasure from denial does not suddenly drop. In fact, the guy usually has to concentrate and fight to lower the pleasure so that he does not orgasm. Riding on the edge of orgasm and being brought to the edge over and over again results in intense and long-lasting physical and mental pleasure. After denial he is still in a very heightened aroused state, which means his wife or girlfriend can still use him for her pleasure. The arousal even continues after his partner is done with him. After an intense T&D session with my husband, it will often take him over an hour to calm himself down and come off the erotic high. Even after the erotic high fades, he remains very horny for days. In those following days my dominance keeps fueling his arousal so that his horniness never completely fades away between T&D sessions.

A big difference between T&D and traditional sex with orgasm is that T&D taps deep into the guys emotions and mental state. Not only is there physical pleasure but he is mentally fucked by his partner. He enjoys the physical pleasure but he must mentally fight to not give in completely to the pleasure. This mind fuck enhances the physical pleasure while also keeping the pleasure flowing long after the wife or girlfriend is done with him. That is what makes it exciting and addictive for guys. I’ve heard from many guys that they are disappointed when their wife allows them an orgasm because they would rather experience the rush of pleasure from being denied and they do not want to experience the post orgasm drop.

I believe T&D is the most significant factor that changes the submissive’s sex life, which is why I’ve dedicate a few paragraphs in this post on the topic. When a guy continues to experience T&D, he discovers that the long-lasting pleasure associated with it is a better experience than traditional sex with a short and intense orgasm. He also prefers the benefit of remaining horny and energized after denial versus experiencing the post orgasm “drop,” 

The next most significant factor that changes the submissive’s sex life, is his craving and desire to experience female control and authority. Submissive men get aroused when they are dominated by their wife or girlfriend. The more a wife/GF embraces her dominance and applies is to her husband/BF the more submissive he becomes toward her and the more aroused he gets from it. When you combine ongoing T&D with regular dominance, it is life-changing for the guy. T&D multiplies the effects of her dominance and the arousal that the submissive experiences from it. A guy who is kept in a perpetual state of horniness by his partner, becomes easily controlled, trained, and conditioned. His mind and body thrive on the regular pleasure and therefore he begins to follow whatever path brings him more pleasure. His mind is conditioned to associate acts of dominance with pleasure and therefore, he becomes easily aroused at the littlest acts of dominance. 

All I need to do is change my tone of voice to strict and authoritative and *boom* my husband gets aroused. If I correct him or question his actions, his cock will stir in his pants. He is excited to do errands for me and he becomes very submissive when doing chores. Compare this to a traditional man and a traditional marriage and this behavior is completely bizarre. How many guys do you know, that will get excited from doing errands for their wife or will take criticism without question or argument? Not many. Before our WLM, my husband would not. He was submissive then but he would not get aroused from me telling him what to do. The difference after WLM is that over time my dominance in combination with T&D changed his mindset.

Many submissive men who are subject to both domination and T&D on a regular basis, go through a complete paradigm shift in the way they think and in what arouses them. A paradigm shift is a fundamental change in theory or principle assumptions. A real-world historical example is the shift from thinking that the earth is flat to theory that the earth is round. When a big shift in theory occurs, suddenly people think differently and a whole new world of opportunities and discoveries exist.

The paradigm shift that occurs with the submissive sex life is that he no longer views sex as the physical act of intercourse. Achieving an orgasm is no longer the end goal when it comes to sex. Sex becomes about the pleasure he experiences through many channels. These channels includes T&D, pleasuring his wife, being controlled and dominated, being humiliated, visual (e.g. her naked body) and physical touch. Sex to him evolves to encompass many deep emotional and psychological triggers and pleasures. He can easily become fully aroused without ever being touched and he is not only satisfied by that pleasure, he is thrilled by it! 

In this new sex paradigm, he seeks frequent and constant pleasure as opposed to a one and done intense orgasm. Providing oral pleasure to his wife is sex to him. Bringing her to orgasm with his tongue while he is denied, is thrilling and satisfying for him. He savors every moment between her legs and the long lasting arousal that he experiences afterward is a thrilling high for him. Commands and reprimands from his wife are like foreplay to him, that can cause his cock to stir in his pants and grow hard. This is especially true when in an aroused and submissive state-of-mind, which is the norm for a guy who is teased and denied. It’s may be hard for women to comprehend, but in this new paradigm, just about every form of control and authority that is exerted, results in some form of pleasure for the submissive guy. He craves this pleasure, which means he craves your control and authority. He wants more and more of it and he can’t get enough. He wants to pleasure you because that brings him pleasure. He wants to give you orgasms over and over again and your orgasms are like orgasms to him.

Think of it this way ladies, every time you command him, reprimand him, or exert any form of authority over him, you are stroking his cock with your words and actions. That is his foreplay. Whenever you are teasing his cock, sexually dominating or humiliating him, or he is pleasuring you, that is the equivalent of him having sex with you because in those moment you are fucking his mind and the mind fuck is his sex!  I will end this post with the quote that I started with because it really sums it up well:

“His sexual pleasure comes from being controlled, being mentally fucked, and pleasuring and obeying her. That is his sex. It is constant arousal with a few burst of intense pleasure thrown in every now then. The submissive man does not have physical sex and orgasm as much as a man in a traditional marriage but his sex life is much better and more intense because his wife is constantly stoking his arousal and sexual energy. Most guys that experience this never want to go back to the traditional way.”

 

-Mz Kaylee

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