The Cuckold Angst Cycle

cuckoldtalk:

Being a cuckold isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be, and there are ups and downs to being a cuckold. There are a wide range of emotions that a cuckold goes through, and they usually follow a definitive pattern. Let’s go through the cycle, step by step.

You ask your wife to have sex with another man again, to cuckold you

This is the first step of the cycle, and it usually occurs after a “dry spell” where she has not been discussing cuckolding you or even having sex with other men. You have been craving the sexual turn on by being cuckolded, and you think about it often.

You approach her, and ask her to cuckold you again. Her reaction may be less than positive, based upon how you react on the last step of the cycle (which I will discuss later in the post). Keep reading.

You fear losing control, but losing control turns you on so much.

She embraces the hotwifing experience again, and she finds a new man (or perhaps she reconnects with a man that she’s had sex with before). She’s happy to be connecting with another man, and there’s a spark in her eye when she talks about him. Everything is going well, and you are excited as the roller coaster begins to pickup speed.

You are ecstatic as she begins to have sex with other men again. The turn on is greater than ever, and you love hearing about how hot the sex was with another man or by the sight of her having sex with another man. The dates continue and you both settle back into the lifestyle.

You have moments where you fear that you have no control over what is going on, but it turns you on at the same time. You dismiss the fearful thoughts as fleeting moments that pass quickly. Your attention quickly returns to the erotic thoughts of your wife having sex with another man. You are a happy cuckold.

You worry that she prefers to have sex with another man, rather than you

As time passes, you begin to wonder if she’s enjoying it too much. Maybe she’s liking sex with another man more than she likes sex with you. Your angst spikes at this point, and your mind starts to race. You obsess on the details that she tells you about sex with another man.

Does she seem to like him more than me? Does she describe her orgasms as more intense than her orgasms with me? Will she prefer sex with him over me? Will she eventually tell me that she no longer wants to have sex with me? Will she one day leave me for him?

These questions dominate your thoughts and you cannot refocus your thinking on something else. This is where your angst is at the highest point in the cycle, and I discuss below what you should do at this point.

But, for now, let’s continue with the cycle.

You ask her to stop

This is the part where your wife quickly becomes frustrated with you. Remember, you asked her earlier in the cycle to have sex with another man, to cuckold you.

She’s having fun with another man, and she’s enjoying having different sex than what she has with you. She’s enjoying the attention, her self-esteem has greatly increased, and she’s overall much happier.

And you want her to hit the brakes. Stop seeing her other man. Go back to just having sex with you. She has control, only to find out that you want to have control now.

This is the lowest point in the cycle. Your marriage is now in a crisis, and your wife is (justifiably) mad at you. You will be doing damage control to repair things with you wife for weeks (perhaps months) to come.

But sometime in the future, you will begin to feel those cuckold urges again. The cuckold angst cycle starts again.

What can you do to prevent this from this from destroying your relationship with your wife?

Break the cycle

You have the power to prevent this from happening. It is natural to have concerns that your wife desires sex with another man more than she desires sex with you. You just need to change how you process those feelings.

Those feelings fall into the category of jealousy, which I have written several posts about. As a cuckold, you can ask yourself why you feel jealous. If you look at the underlying cause for feeling this way, you will discover that you have a fear of losing your wife.

You fear that if she gives another man affection and attention, you will receive less and eventually none at all.

You fear that if he is better than you, that you will not be special to her anymore, and she will leave you to be with him.

You fear being alone; you fear no one will be there to validate you; you fear that you will not find someone else; you fear that you need someone else to be happy.

Do you have any evidence, or any good reason, to think that she will leave you? Reflect on what you know about your wife. Is she that type of person? Has she given you any evidence that she is that type of person?

You most likely do not have a good reason to believe it will happen. You are just afraid that it will happen.

Let’s talk about your fear that he is better than you. While you know that she will not leave you because he is better than you, and you know that you will always be special to her, there is still the fact that he is possibly better than you in bed.

She has amazing sex with him, sex lasts a long time with him, he can fuck her multiple times in an evening, she has more intense orgasms with him. He rocks her world in bed.

So what. You are not the best lover in the world, and your wife has found someone who happens to be better than you. Don’t beat yourself up. Actually, sex with any other man is going to be highly erotic for your wife because it’s not with you. There’s an element of feeling naughty and the erotic stimulation that comes with that feeling.

It doesn’t mean that she likes sex with you any less. That is a critical point to make. Don’t compare the sex between you and your wife to the sex that she has another man. Compare the sex between you and your wife yesterday to the sex between the two of you today.

Trust me, you are still very special to her, she’s not going to leave you for another man who happens to be skilled in pleasuring a woman in bed. You will be around long after she has moved on from having sex with him (and she will love you even more for the opportunity to experience sex with him).

Your best course of action is to not ask your wife to stop having sex with other men, and break the cuckold angst cycle.