Once we decided to take the plunge, we then had to actually take it!

In an earlier post I wrote about the why of getting into swinging. As I stated in this post, how and why are a bit like two sides of the same coin. Wanting to do something does not mean that it will actually happen. A friend of ours has been involved in BDSM and swinging for many years. He remembers a time before internet dating and social media groups. Back then (yes I feel old because I remember this time as well!) People found swinger events by reading advertisements in the newspaper!! Imagine!! An actual, physical newspaper!

So how did Mr Jones and I join this lifestyle? We had limited knowledge of what the lifestyle actually entailed. We didn’t have any friends who introduced us. After Mr Jone’s realisation about being OK with sharing his wife, he started digging around looking for ways to explore his sexual fantasies involving multiple partners. Unlike our friend, we were not forced to resort to the newspaper. Google had been invented, and Mr Jones took advantage of it. 

My first realisation about Mr Jones taking these steps was a discussion about a club that he had found during his internet wanderings. Until that time we hadn’t discussed opening our marriage. I was still really immersed in raising my children and holding down my job! I wasn’t really receptive at first. In short, I was terrified. It had never occurred to me that something like this even existed. I worried about fitting in; I worried about being accepted. We talked about this thing for a long time. 

Then one night we found ourselves in front of the front door of the club Mr Jones had researched and chosen. We had read through their entire website. The rules, the expectations, the advice for new members. We had talked about what we were expecting and we had agreed that this evening was about window shopping. We were not interested in pursuing any play. 

To say our eyes were opened is an understatement. The club was like a fantasy land for adults. Even now, seventeen years later, we have not found a similar venue that ticked all the boxes in terms of layout, professional staff, friendly patrons. We saw and learned a lot of things. Some of them were fundamental things that we took for granted at the time. Things like no means no. Respecting the privacy of people who were playing in a room with a closed door and respect for everyone’s choices, no matter how different they are from our own. Sadly, we have learned that not everyone understands or respects these things. But that is a topic for another time. 

That evening, we also learned about online dating for swingers. In the weeks that followed, we planned return visits to that club and dipped our toes into the murky waters of internet dating. Our journey was well and truly underway. Many adventures were in front of us. Experiences that we could never imagine. I have often likened discovering this lifestyle to lifting the lid on Pandora’s box. Once it is opened you cannot put everything back. There has never been a time, since walking through that big red door, that I wanted to. I am where I am meant to be.