It has been several weeks since I assigned full laundry duty to Thomas.  Laundry is the last of the “big” chores that I was still doing.  I say “big” because of the time commitment involved with keeping up with laundry in a house of 4 people. I have to admit I was concerned about putting too much work on him but it has all worked out well.  He had a few slips ups in the beginning but now he is in a good routine and I have not had to help at all for the last few weeks. What is fascinating to me is that he seems happy and proud of taking on this responsibility. If this scenario played out in a traditional marriage, it’s almost certain the husband would complain about doing all the chores and he would probably slack off on the chores. It’s actually hard to imagine that it’s even a possibility in a traditional marriage. Prior to entering into a FLR, the possibility of my husband happily doing all the house chores for me, was not even a thought. Here we are many, many years later and it is our reality and it is going great. It works well in a FLR.

There is certainly no complaints from me. It is heaven for me not to have to worry about cleaning the bathroom, ironing, vacuuming, and doing laundry. I’m guessing just about every women reading this would agree that is a wonderful thing. The part that is hard to understand is how my husband happily does all the chores. I will do my best to explain the “how” or “why” of it all. My explanation is based on things my husband has shared with me as well as my observations and things I’ve read in the past from others in a FLR.

From what I gather there are three key factors at play which create this unusual dynamic. The first is his desire to serve and please me. That comes from his submissive nature. The more that he serves me, works for me, and can treat me like a Goddess or Queen, the more  it makes him happy and even excited. Yes, it arouses him to work hard for me and serve me! That is something I can not explain.  It is the submissive part of him that gets excited at being a servant to me. His primary motivator for doing the chores is to please me. Having a clean house is just an extra benefit.

The second factor is having clear expectations and structure. He has clearly defined expectations of what needs to be done and when. It is a tall list of expectations and tasks. The only way for him to stay on top of it all is to have a regular routine. From morning to night, he’s got a regular routine of tasks that he does every day. Even on the weekends he follows a routine to get the needed things done. This structure keeps him productive and happy. He’s busy and has a lot to do but it’s not stressful (most of the time) because he knows what to do. When you think about it, this makes sense. People tend to be happy and less stressed when you take away uncertainty and they are doing productive things. Not everyone likes a structured environment but my sense is that most submissive men are happiest in this type of environment when it’s created by their wife.

The last factor comes from me. I tap into his sexual needs and desires to motivate him to serve me and to reward him for his obedience. I do this through the many tools I’ve wrote about in my past posts, including orgasm control, lots of teasing, and embracing his submissive tendencies (e.g. exerting control over him, putting him in panties, queening him, etc.). With the extra time I gained from delegating laundry duty, I’ve been able to increase my focus on these motivators and it has been a great win-win situation for us. He absolutely loves all the additional teasing and attention from me and I benefit from having a clean house and chores done without doing any of the work. I am living the life of a Goddess and Queen and it is fabulous. In one of my past posts I wrote about how in a FLR, the wife should take the perspective of managing her husband versus doing things herself. It is a big change from a traditional marriage and not always an easy step to take. For many years in my FLR, I only half did this and it was a bit stressful for me. Once I fully embraced the concept and focused on managing Thomas through regularly assigning tasks, setting expectations, motivating him, providing feedback on his performance, discipline, punishment, and rewards, it made things much easier  and enjoyable for me and much more exciting for him.

All three factors are needed to make it work. If there is no desire from the husband to please and serve the wife, then it’s obviously not going to work. If there is desire from the husband but there are no clear expectations and structure then it creates confusion and stress. It can even lead to depression like feelings in the husband as he can not fulfill his desires. Lastly, if the wife chose to delegate chores to the husband and spent all her extra time doing things for herself and not pay attention to him, at some point the husband will feel like he is being taken advantage of and will lose the desire to please. It is important for the wife to frequently do things to motivate and reward the husband, as well as express her appreciation for his obedience.

Please share your thoughts or real life experiences on this topic.

-Kaylee

The Happy “House Husband”