Welcome, as a professional dominatrix, the founder of KinkyCoaching
, and a certified life coach I have often been asked to explain curiosities about Kink and BDSM. I get many questions through social media, my fans page, and at speaking engagements. This has prompted me to dedicate this blog to answering those questions. Before going into specific inquiries I think it is important to define some terms. If you are reading this you probably have of BDSM, so let’s try and explain what it means.
What Does BDSM Stand For?
BDSM, an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism, refers to a diverse range of erotic practices that involve consensual power exchange and intense physical sensations. It encompasses a variety of activities, roles, and dynamics that can be both psychological and physical. While BDSM may be misunderstood or stigmatized by some, it is essential to recognize that participants engage in these activities consensually, with communication, trust, and respect at its core.
Defining The Terms
Let’s take a look at the most common terms used in the BDSM world along with their definitions.
Bondage
Bondage is the practice of consensually restraining (e.g., tying, binding, cuffing, blindfolding, gagging) a partner. Bondage can be a sexual practice but has many other potential purposes. It can be done to create an aesthetic, it can be used to produce a physical sensation, and it can be implemented to allow the restrained partner to experience a sense of physical relaxation or release.
Discipline
Discipline is the practice of providing a set of rules and/or expectations, which sometimes may involve punishment (punishment is about controlling or regulating behavior through fear.) Positive discipline is to teach, train, and guide allowing one to feel more secure in having clarity regarding the expectations of a relationship. Consistent expectations can also allow a sub to relax into a submissive headspace or subspace. Having discipline can also elevate a sense of self and promote a feeling of accomplishment.
Domination
Domination is the practice of engaging in consensual power exchange. In this dynamic, the top (Dom, Master, Mistress, Daddy, Mommy, Boss, Goddess, etc) is empowered to direct the course of play, often to meet the needs of a submissive (bottom, sub, beta, slave, pet, etc). One can identify as dominant or submissive or they may identify as a switch which as the name implies can take on the dominant or submissive role. As with other aspects of BDSM, domination can be physical or non-physical, and/or sexual or non-sexual. Domination can be physical, mental, emotional, behavioral, or financial.
Submission
Submission is also the practice of engaging in consensual power exchange but in this instance power is held over the submissive. One might engage in or identify with submission for any number of reasons. Some examples might be to allow oneself to relinquish responsibility, feel taken care of, work through previous experiences of trauma, or experience the excitement of not knowing what may come next. So many of my subs say that they feel that their sub time is like a mini vacation. There are many types of submissive: the brat, service sub, bottom, masochist, slave, pet, fin sub, and more.
Sadism
Sadism involves deriving pleasure or sexual gratification from inflicting pain, suffering, degradation, or humiliation on others. This can be sexual or not, but good practice consistently relies on negotiation and communication between partners. In the context of BDSM, this person takes the dominant role and engages in activities that cause physical or psychological discomfort to their partner. This may also be satisfying in giving a dominant a sense of control, an ability to engage in the taboo, and the knowledge that they are meeting the needs of their partner.
Masochism
Masochism refers to deriving pleasure or sexual gratification from experiencing physical or psychological pain, suffering, or humiliation. In BDSM dynamics, a person who enjoys taking on the submissive role and receiving such stimuli consensually may identify as a masochist. This may be satisfying in providing a focus for pain, a release of endorphins, and an experience of being cared for both during and after by a partner who is specifically attuned to their needs.
Five Important Principles of BDSM
1.) Consent
All activities involving sadism and masochism in BDSM must be consensual. Consent is an ongoing process, and participants should communicate clearly about their desires, limits, and boundaries.
2.) Communication
Open communication is crucial in BDSM dynamics. Participants should discuss their preferences, expectations, and any concerns before engaging in activities. This includes the use of safe words to signal when an activity needs to stop.
3.) Trust
Trust is fundamental in BDSM relationships. Participants must trust each other to prioritize safety, respect boundaries, and adhere to pre-established agreements. Trust forms the basis for a healthy and consensual BDSM dynamic
4.) Safety Measures
Safety is paramount in BDSM practices. Participants should be aware of potential risks associated with certain activities and take necessary precautions. This may include using safe and consensual techniques, having appropriate tools, and checking in with each other regularly.
5.) Aftercare
Aftercare is the term used to describe the care and support provided to participants after a BDSM scene. It involves emotional and physical comfort, reassurance, and communication to ensure that everyone feels safe and cared for after engaging in intense activities.
The Bottom Line
It’s essential to emphasize that the practices of BDSM are consensual, and participants engage in these activities willingly for mutual enjoyment. The BDSM community places a strong emphasis on education, communication, and fostering a safe and consensual environment for all participants.
Many are familiar with these words and have a general sense of what each might mean but defining these terms can be challenging as they are interpreted through the individual practitioners. In addition, media and society, in general, have encouraged a lot of misconceptions about BDSM, kink, and fetish. I will definitely be talking more about the benefits of BDSM to dispel some of the negative stereotypes. These are the principles of BDSM practitioners.
The post What is BDSM: Defining The Terms & Practices appeared first on Mistress Natalie.
What is BDSM: Defining The Terms & Practices
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