You know what? I don’t totally know. I’m not a therapist, although sometimes I feel like one.

But I will tell you a little secret. It’s possible that the reason I excel at dishing out verbal embarrassment, belittlement, chastisement, and occasionally downright scorn—is because I kind of like it myself.

Now, this isn’t an invitation to any Domme breakers out there. I’ve only rarely attempted to allow anyone to erotically humiliate me, and it’s never gone very well. I think this is because the fantasies I have in my head (I’ll never tell), are so terrible that I’d never actually want to act them out—and my partners are too nice.

Just calling me a slut wouldn’t bother me. I’m sex positive, so it’s a very neutral word. Call me stupid? Well, I’m not. So that’s no fun. Ugly? Fat? There we might be getting into some traumatic childhood stuff. Could it be hot? Maybe. In the right way. But I’ve never trusted anyone enough or been with anyone skilled enough at verbal humiliation themselves to make that exciting for me.

No. The fantasies I have of being humiliated and degraded are honestly just so nasty that I’m almost immediately disgusted by myself—right after I orgasm. I don’t even fantasize about humiliating other people. I just like to actually do it. Like when I can hear the reactions.

I don’t know why it’s so exciting to BE humiliated. I could guess from some theories. But as for why it’s so fun to give it—I’m a reaction junkie who likes words. Making fun of people is just—well—it’s just fun!

Talking in a snotty, bratty voice to men and teasing them (consensually) about their insecurities, makes me laugh. Bringing out my, “This hurts me more than it hurts you,” nurturing condescension is funny. Maybe I have a lot of latent hostility I need to get out—although it’s rare that I get to go as far I probably could with a guy. One time someone told me to throw everything I had at his SPH kink, and he started to cry. Like really cry. That was satisfying. A job well done!

I do, at heart, look at it like a service I’m providing. That’s why I don’t do race play or use the f word (not fuck), and why it’s pretty hard for me to make someone feel bad about things I don’t see as bad—like being gay or wanting to dress in a feminine way. I’ll still embarrass someone about those things. But I won’t degrade them.

I enjoy mild embarrassment. (So many Good Boys!!!!) In fact, that’s what I do most of in real life. I’m not sure how I would feel about having a partner who wanted intense humiliation. I don’t know if it would change how I saw them or if it would be hard for me to really humiliate someone I love.

But like? Oh, yes. I will happily humiliate those whom I like. And I’ll expect a, “Thank you, Miss Vivian,” after.

Why Is Erotic Humiliation So Hot?