Why is it never good enough? Why am I never good enough for him?

Unfortunately, I think this is the response that a considerable percentage of female readers may initially have when their significant male other introduces them into the desire for FLR based activities. I personally don’t think its at all true or that this is in fact the motivation behind his “special” needs. Lets be frank, 9 times out of 10 it’s not the woman who is desiring  and/or initiating this FLR “stuff”, not initially at least. Its him not you. But why? Why does he have this “weird” need?

Trust me, it’s not at all about you, at least not in the way you are letting your first emotional instincts take you to with this first response judgement. Its not about your letting him down in any way and not being the good enough wife or girlfriend. It is not any sort of indictment on your performance in bed or your abilities as a wife. It’s all about something deeply mysterious which is occurring in that pea sized misshapen man head of his. I think this type of thing has always been the continual misunderstanding between a man and a woman. They just operate and think differently than us in the department of sex, sexuality and relationships is the best deeply thought-out answer that I can provide. We are just typically two different creatures when it comes to this and we both have a hard time figuring the other one out. 

We have wasted so many fights, so many marriages and so many therapy sessions trying to address and understand this. With FLR in particular, why does a man crave to be spanked? Why does a man crave to have his junk locked away? Why does a man want us to subjugate him? It’s frankly bizarre stuff for us women when we first hear of it. We just can’t wrap our heads around it. But the truth of the matter is that neither can he, not really. It’s just how the DNA in many men got put together. Part of it I think, is how tightly bound men are with displaying their real inner emotions. The fact that they are expected to present this stone wall facade of the always in charge and the always under total emotional control. It’s how they were brought up and shown how to behave as a “real man”. It has to be sooo utterly exhausting to live life that way is my personal thought. I think “that’s” what partially drives men to this need for things like FLR in their lives. It’s a controlled way for them to open up to the women in their lives, to themselves. They can let our their emotions under this guise. They can relax and not be the in charge person they are expected to be outside of the home and perhaps normally within the home. This is them letting their hair down so to speak.

They also frankly just like weird kinky type sex, can be the other augmenting answer to the one above.

But whatever the real answer is to this age old question of why are men so different than us, it’s not that we as women are failing them some how. It’s not that we aren’t good enough as we currently exist. It’s just that we are put together differently. Our thoughts and our emotional processes are just different than theirs. Sexuality just means something a bit different to us both. We respond to various stimulus in different ways than do men. The really cool thing about FLR, I think, is that it is a pathway for women and men to come closer together on the topic of sex and relationships and emotions. Through the concepts of who is behaving dominantly and who is behaving submissively and what that also means emotionally to be the dominant and the submissive in the relationship. Living this in an FLR lifestyle subtly shifts the dynamics of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. I think where we both end up is somewhere more closely in the middle, that’s the real beauty of FLR, not the control and not the everything else.

Anyhow, a very unsubstantial answer to a very complex question and to what is a very valid emotional response that many women might ask themselves when presented with the desire of their man to engage in FLR activity. If it was easy to answer, the relationship counselors would have been out of business years ago I guess. I would really be interested what other women on this site might have to say about this. What is your whole take on why are we (Women) are never good enough for men? Please comment. No one wants to feel that they are broken or not good enough. I know that is not at all your (men’s) intent or feelings when you try to bring this “need” up with your wife or girlfriend but unfortunately that’s how many might feel. This would be a wonderful thread for all of the woman readers to comment on. In particular your opinion is the one I want to hear. Men are just weird – I already know that :)

One final word. I use the word weird here frequently. It was all  very weird especially in the early goings. But all I have to say is that now that I have been in the mix with this whole FLR business  for many years – is that its still weird, but a very enjoyable and good weird at the end of the day for me. It works and it has strengthened my relationship. It was never a question if I was not good enough for him. He just wanted me to to be a bit more weird with him :)

-AJ

Why is it never good enough? Why am I never good enough for him? (Guest Post by AJ)

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